Monday, December 24, 2012

The End of the Semester and World

("thing" i wrote in the 30 minutes leading up to my economics final, after which i stayed up all night and took a plane to cleveland at 7:30 am)

December 20, 3:50 pm ET, T-minus 8 hours & 10 minutes until "the end of the world"

the end of the semester is coinciding with the end of the world

a sense of peacefulness is descending like snow upon the columbia campus, the students are dragging their suitcases and belongings back to homes in ohio, california, taiwan, germany, switzerland & south africa, wherever they are from across the world

the entire campus is going into hibernation, winding down like clockwork, into the fetal position, deflating

feeling "serene"


this semester was interesting


in the beginning i was so happy, then i wanted to transfer, but it is ultimately me who defines my 
happiness and not the college or place i'm at and once i realized that

things got much, much better

*

i met a girl


"i met a girl" is a good way of saying a lot without saying a lot

she has a similar sense of humor


and thus

a similar "outlook" on life

i think one's "sense of humor" correlates with someone's "outlook on life," i think that if two people share the same "sense of humor" they probably share the same "outlook on life," ignorant or innocent or nihilistic or whatever that may be

*

this semester i didn't go to a single "party"


i'm not a "party/people person" 

i witnessed a lot of kids doing drugs/drinking for the first time, i saw an asian girl have a stress-induced nervous breakdown in public, i heard some friends say things like "i wanna get fucked up tonight because this has been such a stressful week," seemed troubling

there are a lot of dumb smart kids here


there are a lot of kids here who've had really limited "life experiences," meaning they were pretty much confined within their socioeconomic class/private high school and/or only experienced things their parents wanted them to experience

there are a lot of kids here who feel trapped by their parents wanting them to be doctors or engineers, or who feel trapped by their "ivy league" pedigree so now they have to make a lot of money or gain a lot of prestige but they don't know how but now look wall street is offering them a six-figure internship so why don't they just take that for a while while they figure out what they want to do with their life and before they know it they're investment bankers for good

they are also some mad cool people here as well, like there would be anywhere

*

when people ask how college is i think most kids say, "i love it," even if they don't, because college is supposed to be this amazing american transitive experience and if you don't like it there's something wrong with you

kind of like how when people say "how are you" most people say "good," even if they're not

i don't think most people are "good," i think most people are depressed, even if they don't know it

or like

they should be,

i would be

given the circumstances

*

i "don't give a fuck" about certain things more & more


and "give a fuck" about certain things more & more

"certain things" being grades, my parents' expectations, society's expectations, my personal expectations, how much money i want to make, my interpersonal relationships with friends/family, etc etc

my "ultimate goal" being long-term happiness of course

currently trying to balance what i "don't give a fuck about" and what i "do give a fuck about" in the combination that maximizes my long-term happiness

*

the world could end or not end, i don't care

death just seems like another step

i've met more kids at columbia that have said they are "afraid of death" than kids in ohio

seemed troubling/interesting

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